


The Way You Call Me

by nisargasinha



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, M/M, MWPP, Past Child Abuse, READ THE TAGS CAREFULLY, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 10:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18870949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nisargasinha/pseuds/nisargasinha
Summary: Remus' name on Sirius' lips.





	The Way You Call Me

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno why instead of studying for my exams I'm posting old Wolfstar angst on AO3.

“Remus.”

 

Remus refuses to look up, tears in his eyes, arms wrapped around himself. People like him were never accepted in this world. He is a monster… what if his friends leave him? What if _Sirius_ hates him?

 

“Remus, look at me.”, Sirius calls him, kneeling down beside him.

 

“No Sirius, I'm a monster. You don't understand.”

 

“I don't care whether you're a werewolf or not. You're not a monster. Now look at me.”

 

Remus looks at Sirius, James and Peter standing a bit away from them, with concern in their eyes.

 

“No Sirius, our Defense Against Dark Arts book has two chapters telling who I am. I..”

 

“Cut the crap Remus. You're the kindest and bravest person I have ever met.”, Sirius shakes his head violently, his voice filled with a strange surge of emotions.

 

“For fuck's sake mate, you fold your clothes, you take your tea with honey, you wear fluffiest jumpers, you literally read all the day. Forgive me if we're not scared.”, James intervenes. Peter nods solemnly in agreement.

 

“You guys don't hate me?”

 

“No, we don't. Come here, we've a prank to plan. ”

 

~

 

“Remus?”, Sirius’ voice cuts through the curtains as Remus gingerly puts his book down, pursing his lips, thinking for a moment how his friends seemed odd and overly cautious for last two months.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can I come in?”

 

“Yeah, sure. ”

 

“James, Pete and I have a thing to show you. Come, please?”

  
  


“Are you crazy? God it's freezing outside! Where's your jacket? You're gonna catch a cold.”, Remus wraps his arms around himself, “And what the hell are we doing in the Forbidden Forest?”

 

“Patience, Re, patience. Now come here. James and Pete are waiting for us." , Sirius takes Remus’ arm and runs inside the forest.

  


“Remus”, Sirius finally lets go his hands, standing beside James and Peter, panting for breath.

 

Remus looks at his friends, puzzled, “What on earth are we doing here, past curfew? Care to explain?”

 

“Mate, we're not allowing you to suffer alone anymore.”, James declares.

 

“So we have become animagi to accompany you during the full moons.“, Peter adds, smiling.

 

“You.. What?”

 

“Yeah, animagi, you heard it right.”, Sirius smiles, and at the very next moment, there are a black dog, a stag, and a rat in front of him.

 

Remus stands there, glued to the ground, his heart swelling with an absurd need of crying with gratitude and love for his friends.

 

He cries.

 

“Remus?”, he looks at Sirius, transformed back, his assuring hand on the small of his back, smiling, “Anything for you.”

 

“Anything for our Remus.”, James and Peter cheers.

 

~

 

“Remus.. I..”

 

“No Sirius, how could you do this to me? What if I killed James or Snape? What if I broke out? Do you know what could have happened Sirius? Of all people, you chose Snape to tell my secret! The ministry could have sent me to Azkaban, I would have lost my chance to study in Hogwarts!”, Remus hides his face in his palms, crying. It does hurt. It hurts because it's Sirius.. _What if he killed him?_

 

“Remus, I didn't realize…”, Sirius voice shakes with pain and tears.

 

“You never think Sirius. You never do .”

 

“Moons..”

 

“Don't.. Don't call me that. Go away Sirius. I don't want to see you .”

 

He feels Sirius shattering, as the door of the hospital wing shuts behind him. Remus buries his face into the pillow, sobbing. He can't take it anymore. He can't bear Sirius' betrayal. 

 

Sirius has ruined everything.

 

~

 

“Remus?”

 

It's almost midnight. Remus hasn't talked to Sirius since the Prank, which has happened nearly a month ago. His eyes shot open as he hears Sirius calling his name from behind the curtains of his four poster bed.

 

“Remus”, his tired, fragile voice sounds like a mere whisper. Remus breaths slowly, yet his heart pounding inside his chest. He feels so lost, so much in pain. His heart breaks seeing Sirius so fragile but he has shattered Remus’ trust.

 

“I'm sorry Moons. I'm so sorry. I know, I'm selfish. I broke your trust. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone. I don't belong to anyone. My dear mother never misses a chance to point out how I'm unworthy, a shame in the name of the House of Black, Regulus hates me because I'm reckless, always disagreeing with my parents. Father hates me because a Gryffindor can never be good enough to be the heir to their bullshit family.”, he chuckles bitterly, “It's not like that I care about them. I don't care how much Mother crucios me, Father whips me. I don't care Moons.”, his voice chokes with tears. How much Remus wants to hug Sirius, to hold and mend him, right now. But he's too broken.

 

“I don't care about them. I don't want to lose you Remus. I don't remember for how long I've been in love with you. I miss you. Please, take me back .”

 

Time freezes.

 

Remus blinks twice to process what Sirius just said, trying to pull words out of the darkness of his bed that has enveloped him. Sirius loves him?

 

“Sirius?”, Sirius feels a tug on his wrist as he gets up from the edge of Remus’ bed. The words has weighed on his shoulders for nearly a month, making him feel like he is drowning into the gloominess of 12 Grimmauld Place, like an inebriated and enraged Walburga hitting him with Cruciatus Curse, like seeing Remus howling in pain, at the Shrieking Shack.

 

He looks back.

 

_Remus. Shit, he was awake?_

 

“Moon.. Remus, sorry I didn't realize that you were awake. I'll just go.”

 

“Sirius, look at me. You love me?

 

“I'm sorry Remus.. I shouldn't have… “

 

Their lips crash together, wiping away the immeasurable distance, teeth and lips, lips and teeth, feeling like heaven, _finally_.

 

_There couldn't have been a better apology,_ Remus thinks, holding Sirius in his arms, crying in each other's neck. 

 

~

 

“Remus.”

 

“What are you implying Sirius? I'm betraying the Order? I'm betraying you all because I'm a werewolf?”, Remus shouts. They don't call each other by their nicknames anymore.

 

“I didn't say that. I'm just saying that where do you go without telling me?”, Sirius looks almost hurt, almost mad, looking at the distance between them, one more step, his lips will be on Remus’, they'll kiss and probably make out, ignoring the death and war outside.

 

No. They have grown distant, cold. The right side of their bed is cold despite Remus being there, Peter asking him about Remus’ disappearance bugging his mind. He drowns himself every other night in firewhiskey anyway, ignoring the winter stretching and stretching between them.

 

“Goddamnit Sirius, you know that it's Dumbledore's order.”

 

“Why can't you tell me? I'm your boyfriend for fuck's sake! What are you doing Remus? We're at the middle of a war! I can't lose you!”

 

“You've already lost me Sirius. You lost me at the moment you suspected me because I'm a werewolf.”, Remus coldly replies.

 

“Re..”

 

“Don't.”

 

Sirius looks at the dying plant on the windowsill of their flat as Remus bangs the door behind him and leaves, wondering how it went so wrong.

 

~

 

“Remus..”, Sirius breaks down crying, as Bellatrix's shrill laughter penetrates through the cold walls of his cell.

 

It's full moon and Remus is all alone.

 

It's full moon and Moony misses his Padfoot.

 

It's full moon and Moony is howling in pain.

 

All without him.

 

All because of him.

 

He has ruined everything.

 

“Forgive me Remus. Sorry Remus, please live. Please, don't die. Live your life Moons. Don't hate me.”, Sirius sobs, hiding his face in his palms, as the saline gust hits him, sending shivers down his spine.

 

~

 

“Remus.”

 

“Sirius?”

 

He looks at his Remus for the first time in twelve years, his name on his lover's lips so distant yet so soft, like a prayer and breathing back to life, winter of Dementors and Azkaban going away as he engulfs himself in Remus’ arms.

 

_He is home._

  
  
  



End file.
